Die Demut vor Kontrolle

Lesedauer: ca. 5 Minuten

Es wundert mich, wie der Kontrollradius von einem random Menschen konzipiert ist. Wenn jede:r um sich selbst sorgt, dann ist für alle gesorgt. Doch das sich-Sorgen ist einfach körperlich und psychisch beschränkt. Einigen Menschen gelingt dies nicht, weil sie Gewohnheiten haben, die so fundamental selbstverständlich für sie sind, dass sie glauben, dass sie sich selbst verlieren oder verraten würden, wenn sie es wagen, diese zu hinterfragen. Anders ausgedrückt: Manches will man gar nicht ändern. Aus einem Gefühl heraus. Und oftmals hängen ja auch noch andere Gewohnheiten und Attitüden von den „fundamentalen“ ab. Und das bedeutet Anstrengung und Reflektionsleistung für den Organismus, der ja lieber darauf bedacht ist, einen chilligen Gleichgewichtszustand einzunehmen. Aus energetischer Sicht ist das sich-Verändern eine eher abzulehnende Möglichkeit.

Das ändert sich, wenn die eigene Verhaltensänderung einen so langfristig positiven Effekt hat, sodass dieser Gewinn den Energieverlust mindestens aufwiegt. Der reward, der aus Veränderung einer Denk- oder Verhaltensweise entsteht, muss größer sein als dessen benötigter Aufwand. Nun kommt es zu zwei Problemen:

  1. Wie hoch dieser reward bewertet wird, hängt von meinem Wissen über meine Umwelt ab und inwiefern sich diese Verhaltensveränderung positiv auf meine Lebensführung auswirken wird. Die Frage ist also, ob meine Ansicht über die Umwelt ausreichend kohärent ist, um die Auswirkung meiner Veränderung einschätzen zu können. Und da gibt es solche Fragen zum „Horizont“, was man denn sich vorstellt und vorstellen könnte. Was es noch so geben könnte, dass man nicht weiß und wie der reward ausfallen wird, wenn ich mich bereits jetzt auf veränderte Bedingungen einstelle, die ich allerdings noch gar nicht weiß. Darum ist der reward immer eine Wette, die jedoch besser einschätzbar wird, wenn meine Theorie über mich selbst und meine Weltansicht komplex genug reflektiert wird.
  2. Der benötigte Aufwand, um eine Gewohnheitsveränderung zu erzielen, ist in der Regel schwierig abzuschätzen. Gewohnheiten sind komplex miteinander verschachtelt und kumulieren ineinander. Es ist doch so, dass z. B. ein ordentliches Krafttraining ebenso verbunden ist mit einer angemessenen Ernährung, einem gesunden Schlaf und einer disziplinierten Organisation. Das Problem ist folgendes: Der Aufwand ist summativ miteinander verbunden, der reward jedoch multiplikativ. Wenn ich alles rund herum, was dazu gehört ebenso mitnehme, dann ist der Aufwand höher, der reward steigert sich jedoch deutlich schneller, je mehr Gewohnheitsänderung ich mitnehme. Man sollte aber nicht unterschätzen, dass die psychologische Leistung, sich selbst als immer wieder jemand Neuangepassten in einer sich verändernden Umgebung zu erfinden, enorm sein kann. Insbesondere wenn diese Fähigkeit nicht geübt wird.

Nun können wir erstmal davon ausgehen, dass ein Mensch X eine Bewertungsfunktion reward(U, dV) hat, wobei diese vom Wissen über die Umwelt U und der Aufwandserwartung über die Veränderung des Verhaltens dV abhängt.

Nun kommen wir endlich zum Begriff der Kontrolle. Denn eine eigene Verhaltensänderung kann auch zu einer drastischen Veränderung der Umwelt führen, die den reward nach oben treibt. In diesem Fall besteht die Annahme, dass dV einen direkten Einfluss auf das Wissen über die Umwelt hat. Wir nehmen ein eher groteskes Beispiel: Ein cholerischer Mann ist unzufrieden mit sich und seiner Frau, weil er eine bestimmte Erwartungshaltung als Hausfrau an sie hat. Wir nehmen nun an, dass er bloß zwei Möglichkeiten in Betracht zieht (natürlich gibt es meistens mehr Möglichkeiten, hunderte – ich denke jedoch, dass ein binäres Denken noch so verhaftet ist, dass immer noch recht viele Situationen als falsche Dilemmata eingestuft werden – zur Illustration reicht das aber):

  1. Ich verändere meine Attitüde zu den Bedürfnissen meiner Frau, muss mir dann aber auch eingestehen, dass ich „nicht Manns genug“ (sein Großvater war ein Kriegsveteran) bin und dementsprechend noch viele weitere Denkweisen ändern, um meine Vergangenheit neu interpretieren zu können, damit ich nicht komplett von mir denke, dass ich ein Loser bin (denn das ist ja auch kein gutes Gefühl, wenn man auf sich selbst rumtrampelt).
  2. Ich schlage meine Frau, damit sie Angst davor hat, sich nicht so zu verhalten, wie ich es möchte. Der Aufwand dafür ist relativ gering, da man nur zwei Mal zuschlagen muss. Allerdings ist der reward auch nicht hoch, aber ertragbar (und das nur auf die Gegenwart bezogen).

Vielleicht ist das gerade auch eine unsinnige Illustrierung, das Bedürfnis nach Kontrolle an häuslicher Gewalt auszuschlachten. Ich habe ja selbst auch noch nie eine so böse Stimmung erlebt, selbst in Filmen kommt sie mir weltfremd und geschauspielert vor. Aber meine Denkgewohnheit sagt mir auch, dass sich immer ein Weg ohne Gewalt findet. Aber wenn diese Denkgewohnheit nicht vorhanden ist, dann könnte man schon Mal zu der Überzeugung kommen, dass entweder ich mich ändern muss oder ich ändere die Umwelt (notfalls eben mit Gewalt).

Wir ergänzen nun nochmal einige Formeln. Die Umwelt U(dV) und das Verhalten dV(U) bedingen sich miteinander. Man muss allerdings hinzufügen, dass es ja eigentlich U(dV_1, dV_2, dV_3, …) lauten müsse. Und wie groß der Einfluss eines Organismus zur Umwelt ist, hängt von der situativen Relation ab. Der Schläger hat mehr Einfluss auf seine Frau, als Olaf Scholz. (Oder vielleicht auch nicht, wenn die Frau über 65 ist). Und bevor eine Entscheidung getroffen wird, muss man alle Interaktionen durchdenken und sich nicht davon blenden lassen, dass es mit einer einfach Handlung-Wirkung-Relation verbunden ist. Es ist verzwickt.

Nun kann man die Verhaltensänderung dV nicht nur menschlichen Organismen zuschreiben, sondern mittlerweile auch noch vielen Dingen mehr: Unternehmen, Nachrichten, Soziale Netzwerke & Medien, Maschinen (insbesondere Kaffeemaschinen!), Tieren oder gar dem Wetter und Naturkatastrophen. Es sind so viele (Technik-)Objekte in die Welt gelangt und so viele Faktoren, dass ich (als Autor des Artikels) behaupten würde, dass der eigene Kontrollradius (das ist die Relation zu U) im Vergleich zum letzten Jahrhundert ja doch deutlich kleiner geworden ist. Was kann man schon noch kontrollieren? Und zwar gibt es auch sicherlich die eine oder andere Alternative, aber immer muss man sich eingestehen, dass man sich selbst verändern musste, weil es nicht geschafft hat, die Umwelt zu verändern.

Ich komme dazu jetzt halb neurowissenschaftlich, halb durch Psychoanalyse. Als Baby hat man doch erfahren, dass sich die Umwelt viel netter zu einem verhält, wenn man bisschen rumschreit (oder vielleicht auch nicht, ich hoffe, dass es aber nicht so viele böse Eltern gibt). Als Erwachsener funktioniert das nun nicht mehr. Aber das innere Bedürfnis dazu, dass eine Seligkeit wie in der Kindheit erlebt wird, ist doch tief verborgen. [Eine Notiz am Rande für mich: Mit 4 Jahren beginnt der Selektionsprozess für das Gehirn, ab da ist es sicherlich ratsam, dem Kind etwas strenger zu entgegnen und bereits mit Grenzen anzufangen, damit das Baby die Grenzen seiner Kontrolle lernt]

Was sagt mir das unter dem Schlussstrich?

Nimm dich nicht zu ernst und stell dich darauf ein, dass Dinge passieren werden, die dich dazu zwingen, dich ändern zu müssen, wenn du nicht ständig „gegen“ die umkämpfte Umwelt kämpfst. Ob es besser ist, zu kämpfen oder der Veränderung zu folgen, das muss jede:r für sich selbst herausfinden. Und wahrscheinlich ist es so wie immer: Die Mischung macht’s.


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